


Care to explain, Miss Granger?

by PaintOnTheSky



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dildos, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humor, Severus Snape Lives, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28287612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintOnTheSky/pseuds/PaintOnTheSky
Summary: When Hermione is returning for her final (8th) year to Hogwarts, Professor Snape finds some adult toys in her luggage during security ispection. One-shot, AU, EWE, Snape's POV, Humor.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	Care to explain, Miss Granger?

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters, I only borrow them to have fun with, and return them slightly used.

Professor Snape was busy with the start-of-the-year luggage inspections. The war was over, the Dark Lord has fallen, but not all was well yet. Some of his followers were still at large, and eager to take revenge on students and well, him.

Thus he took his job extremely seriously. And if he could embarrass the hell out of his dim-witted students, all the better.

“Miss Granger” he stepped out onto the Hogwarts corridor. “Get in here.” The little chit walked into the small chamber wearing her shiny new uniform with her shiny new head girl badge, looking confused. He closed the door behind her.

“Explain to me what this is?” he asked, holding up a rather sizable, bright, Gryffindor-red dildo he found in her luggage. Thetically, there were no rules against it, but seeing the Gryffindor princess blush in shame would be a treat all by itself.

“Well, it looks like a sex toy to me” she answered carefully. To his surprise there was not even as much a slight tinge of pink to her cheek. He would have to up his game.

“Care to elaborate?” The little chit folded her arms and started to recite a text as if she swallowed a book.

“That is a dildo, sir. Looks like it is made of high quality medical grade silicone. The flared base suggests it is suitable to be used in a harness. It has a gentle curve to it. Observe the three strong ridge on the inner side of the curve, like steps in a staircase. It was probably designed to rub against a G-spot repeatedly while being used.” Oh, no. Two can play this game, he will not let her embarrass him with her bookish behaviour.

“Prey tell why would a witch use such a vulgar item” he sneer. The girl had the audacity to roll her eyes at him.

“That is not a vulgar item, that is obviously a high-end design made of top quality materials, and I can think of plenty of reasons why one would want one. Unlike a boyfriend, it will never make one listen to quidditch talk, demand a blowjob, won’t whine if it does not get a workout for a while, it will never have performance issues of any kind, will be happy to let the witch take the lead and set the speed, always ready for action. Actually, I can see very little reason why one would not want one.” The potions master felt he was starting to grow red with anger. How could she not be embarrassed by what he found in her trunk? How could she talk so blasé about things she would do in the privacy of her bedroom? He will see Granger reduced to a blushing, blubbering mess. He dropped the dildo back to the trunk, and lifted a different item.

“And what do we have here?” He asked in an icy, sneering voice. The brains of the Golden Trio cocked her head to the side.

“I am not sure” she admitted, and stepped closer to the trunk, peeking inside. “Oh, but I recognise that, that is a butt plug! See the bulbous head? That is supposed to rest inside, and there, the thin sickle-shaped base? This is obviously meant to be worn for an extended amount of time under your clothes. That sickle shape would fit comfortably between the butt cheeks unlike the usual rounded base” And now she sounded like was about to waving her hand in the air to be called on in class. “Oh, and those are Ben was balls, also called Kegel balls or vagina…”

Suddenly the door of the little room burst open, and Minerva stormed in. Snape allowed a satisfied smirk to spread across his face. If nothing else works, the little chit will be embarrassed when her head of house learns what her innocent-looking bookish looks hide.

“Ah, Minerva, just in time. I have just finished questioning Miss Granger about the dubious objects I have discovered in her trunk. Would you like to add any further questions before we decide what an appropriate punishment should be?” he asked with delight.

“Just one, Severus. What Merlin’s name are you doing going through _my_ trunk?”

Severus Snape dearly wished someone would obliviate him.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea makes me giggle like crazy (if I may say so without sounding over-confident), but I am tempted to write/read a version when it is Hermione's trunk, and shameless smut happens. :)


End file.
